The guilt I feel every day...

I am NOT alone in this... not that I really thought I was, but we all have those moments in which we believe ourselves to be the only mother feeling or thinking any particular thing.  Every single morning, when I am rushing both of us out the door after a quick, yet hopefully nutritious breakfast, I am sensing a little flutter in my stomach letting me know that all is not well in our little mommy/son universe. 

I am so very happy that I am rebuilding my life outside of the little bubble that we have created, my son and I, but at the same time, I am constantly pondering what I am missing during the ten plus hours that he is spending at his wonderful daycare.  I have found my way out of my self-imposed darkness and I am in my element when I am at school surrounded by such amazing fellow students; however, I am often checking my phone in the hopes that I did not miss a call from his educator, or I am looking at his picture light up my screen.  Moreover, he is learning to adjust to this new lifestyle of ours in which we leave early from home and he is more often than not being picked up by his beloved grandmother and eating with with her and my other family members while mommy is on her way home back to him.  He has become a little grumpier and generally more emotional in the past two weeks, and I am attempting, frequently in vain, to supress the sense of guilt that threatens to engulf my being.

I am not trying to compensate for these lost hours by keeping him awake longer than he should, and I am able to keep our routine at home much the same as it has been and will be;  on the other hand, I am trying to take more advantage of the moments I am spending with him and am attempting to convince myself that I am out in the world in large part for him, but for me as well.

I cannot forget myself as a woman, or as an individual with her own needs, wants and ambitions, but there is a fine line that needs to be delicately triapsed across between my responsibities to him, and to myself.  A precarious balance...

http://ireport.cnn.com/docs/DOC-1014370